The Hospital

"f86sabre" (f86sabre)
08/31/2018 at 15:40 • Filed to: Hospital

My wife is on day 10 of being in the hospital. We are starting to move closer to the point where she will be coming home. Maybe even in the next few days. I want to share some insight I have gained through all this. Maybe it will help some of you or your loved ones in the future.

My employer, Delta, has been absolutely da tactic through all of this. My team, my leadership and everyone around me has been great and I really haven’t had to worry about anything there. If you find yourself in a situation where you have a loved one in the hospital work out your schedule and expectations early. Hopefully you will be as lucky as I am, but if not still push to have as much time as you can with the person who is getting care. Just being there to talk to is huge.

If the person in the hospital is a friend then visit them. Visit them frequently. When you leave from a visit ask when you can come back and do so. The worst thing my wife has faced has been boredom. Having friends and family visit have been huge for lifting her spirits. Being where I am now has shown me where I should have done better with other friends and family who have been hospitalized. It is wise to call or text before you do visit, and situations vary depending on the illness, but talking with people really does seem to help. Also, be willing to talk about things other than the person’s treatment. Bring them up to speed on what is going on with you.

Don’t ever be afraid to ask the doc or the nurse if you see something that doesn’t seem right. They are people too and shit happens. We have picked up on a few things that have been missed or forgotten. It happens.

Daytime TV is evil. Bring in their device. Bring in phone and tablet chargers. If you are in the same household then load their devices up with movies and books. I got my wife a whole series of Wonder Woman comics for the Kindle app just to mix things up. I’ve also pointed her to a few podcasts. That seems to help. They don’t take up much space, are interesting and can be enjoyed while relaxing.

Those are just a few things that have come to me over the last week or so. Nothing earth shattering, but stuff that may be of use to some of you in the future.

DISCUSSION (23)

OPPOsaurus WRX > f86sabre
08/31/2018 at 15:48

holy shit buddy.

she must be down in the dumps.

thats a crappy situation.

HammerheadFistpunch > f86sabre
08/31/2018 at 15:53

“Don’t ever be afraid to ask the doc or the nurse if you see something that doesn’t seem right. They are people too and shit happens. We have picked up on a few things that have been missed or forgotten. It happens.”

yes. Very much. this is something that is very difficult to encourage in people unless they’ve been there. Not necessarily looking for errors or faults but taking an active role in your own care. its easy to just “whatever you say doc” but we need to change the way we think to be much more involved.

BJ > f86sabre
08/31/2018 at 15:57

Great advice. Also remember that sometimes, when in hospital, one doesn’t want visitors. Sometimes it’s OK to show up unannounced, but not always.

Ask the patient, or someone responsible for them, when you can visit, and then make sure you do it!

shop-teacher > f86sabre
08/31/2018 at 16:10

These are good tips!

smobgirl > f86sabre
08/31/2018 at 16:11

I still have your last post open because I never saved my reply. I hope this upward trend continues and she’s feeling 100% soon. The hospital sucks.

I’m glad you were there to advocate for her...I feel like staff can occasionally talk down to patients even though they are usually just physically ill/injured, not mentally. I specifically remember one nurse childishly bribing me that if I walked X number of laps, I wouldn’t need to have the blood thinner shot that evening. Guess who walked all their laps and then some, and still got a shot...partly because of a shift change, but mainly because it was a lie from the start. Not that I still hold a grudge.

ttyymmnn > f86sabre
08/31/2018 at 16:31

One of the great tragedies in my married life in TX is that we were unable to support my wife’s parents at the end of their life. Her mom passed away from Alzheimer’s in VA , and I remember vividly the last day we saw her in that dreadful nursing home, knowing it would be the last time she held her daughter’s hand or saw her grandsons . And my father has been going through heart issues and is starting his journey with Parkinson’s, but he is in VA and we are in TX. It sucks.

You bring up an extremely important point, and I can’t overemphasize this. In all matters of health care, you must be your own best advocate . Never take “No” for answer, always ask every question you can think of, and if a doctor or nurse isn’t doing what you believe is right ask for somebody else. We had an issue with my oldest boy when he was in the hospital for surgery at a very young age. I put my foot down and demanded that he be examined by the anesthesiologist for breathing issues, instead of by the department head who stood in the doorway and said he looked fine. By and large, these people do stellar work, but they also have too many patients and, at the end of the day, they are human too.

I’m glad that Mrs. Sabre is on the mend. I would be at my wit’s end if my helpmate were stuck in the hospital. It’s not that I couldn’t handle it, but we work better as a team (good cop-bad cop, usually). Best wishes to your entire family, and I hope you are all back home together soon.

ttyymmnn > HammerheadFistpunch
08/31/2018 at 16:32

My rule of thumb: If it doesn’t make sense, keep asking questions. Doctors can often become stuck in their ivory tower and don’t like people questioning them. Screw that. It sounds a bit crass, but, at the end of the day, we are customers and we should demand the service that we (and our insurance company) is paying for.

Khalbali > f86sabre
08/31/2018 at 16:41

These are good tips and I’m very glad she’s on the mend. My wife recently spent a week in hospital and it was the hardest week of my life. Unfortunately I couldn’t even do most of these, she was in a psych ward and not allowed to have pretty much anything besides paperback books and crayons. She was also only allowed to have visitors for one hour a day five days a week, so even though I was there every second (and then some) that I could it was still only five hours for the whole week and she was so bored and frustrated there.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > ttyymmnn
08/31/2018 at 16:53

we should demand the service that we (and our insurance company) is paying for.

We don’t really get that privilege here

ttyymmnn > CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever
08/31/2018 at 16:54

I guess socialized medicine has its good and bad points.

CarsofFortLangley - Oppo Forever > ttyymmnn
08/31/2018 at 16:56

95% good

f86sabre > Khalbali
08/31/2018 at 17:18

I’m sure every bit of time you spent counted, even if she didn’t consciously know it.

f86sabre > ttyymmnn
08/31/2018 at 17:20

For us I think it was just things that we’re forgotten. “Oh yeah, it’s time to get your antibiotics. Let’s check with the pharmacy”

f86sabre > ttyymmnn
08/31/2018 at 17:23

Yeah, distance is tough. Both our sets of parents are out of state and that is going to be difficult. We will need to figure something out.

The fact is that we know our family members best. We know when they are feeling pain and when they are being tough when maybe they shouldn’t be. Asking the questions is the only way to get the professionals thinking.

f86sabre > BJ
08/31/2018 at 17:24

Yes. Circumstances vary.

TheRealBicycleBuck > f86sabre
08/31/2018 at 18:15

I recently went through this with my mom. Staying with her and providing end-of-life care was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, physically, emotionally, and financially. Don’t forget the caregivers. They need support as much as the person who’s sick. I’m not sure what I would have done if it weren’t for my wife and kids, and my aunt and uncle. They were essential support, especially during the last week or so. I couldn’t have done it by myself and my mom wouldn’t have had the care she needed if not for them.

I wish you and yours the very best.

Brickman > f86sabre
08/31/2018 at 18:45

Did all that when I visited my mom then dad ( a year later) in the hospital.

It sure is boring in a hospital room, especially when they are taking a nap. I looked up the model numbers for the hospital beds, infusion pumps, etc and read the manuals :P

HammerheadFistpunch > ttyymmnn
08/31/2018 at 19:08

Most docs I’ve talked to certainly want you to question them if you aren’t in the same page . The good ones at least.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > f86sabre
08/31/2018 at 19:51

I understand very well what you’re going through. My sister has been in and out of the hospital all summer, in the past seven weeks four of them have been spent admitted, and she was just admitted today for a third time.

I’m incredibly lucky that my manager is very “families first” and also has had experience with people with the same condition my sister has. He’s been letting me adjust my schedule as necessary so I can go spend time with her (and allow my Mom to come home for a night or two).

Every time I go I make sure to bring a bag full of books and toys and special treats to make things more liva ble for her. I also cannot sing any higher praises about the staff at Boston Children’s. They are all very dedicated and they have many wonderful programs that help make staying there less sucky for her.

f86sabre > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent
08/31/2018 at 20:17

You are doing good by her. Keep it up!

f86sabre > TheRealBicycleBuck
08/31/2018 at 20:21

Thank you. I’m sure your love and care made the last days for your mother better.

Glad you had the support you needed. The amount of folks in our community who have reached out has been staggering. I actually had to ask one of my wife’s friends to ask the rest to spool it back just a little. They group had offered to make us dinner each up. A lovely idea, but the fact is we would never be able to eat that much. It is a lovely thought though and hugely appreciated.

f86sabre > OPPOsaurus WRX
08/31/2018 at 20:23

We’ve worked hard to keep her spirits up and she is the toughest person I know. Ok, maybe a close tie with my mom. Attitude matters.

The situation has been difficult, but we’ve had good doctors and nurses. We are insured and I have a HSA to cover the out of pocket. It could be way worse.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > f86sabre
08/31/2018 at 20:38

Thanks! I wish Mrs. f86Sabre a speedy and easy recovery!